03 October 2017
20:30 The past few days have been amazing and I am starting to realize that being in a new, beautiful, and exciting place can make you fall in love. Not with another person per say but with yourself. You start to notice thigs about yourself that you never did. Maybe that you are much softer at heart than you always wanted to believe. Maybe that you are tougher than you gave yourself credit for. I realized that I am the perfect combination of these; not necessarily the perfect combination for everyone but certainly for me. With this comes some bad news. I let myself fall in lust with a man that I know I can’t be with. Infatuation is a silly thing. It can be the best at times but it is terrifying when you are not looking for it and find it unexpectedly.
Enough about that. The day was marvelous. We took a drive up to North Berwick which is a small town north of Edinburgh. It reminds me slightly of Maine and old films set in a windy sea town. My body was freezing but I didn’t mind because I happiness distracted me. We got tea in a tiny café from a kind old woman with a thick accent. Scones in the UK are round, not triangle. It’s always the smallest thing that really blow my mind.
I needed to stop in the sweets shop and mentally told myself not to get anything. I got whiskey chocolates. They were so good and I was proud of myself for not eating all of them in one sitting. I am normally a child when it comes to things like this.
We walked down to the beach then went up to the pier. The wind was awfully strong but I didn’t fall in the water or on the rocks so everything was good. Better than good. The town and the water was stunning. The only thing bothering me was that I couldn’t shake the weight of melancholy, knowing that I am leaving in a matter of hours.
On our way back up from the beach I picked up a rock and we named him Squishy. The best keepsakes are the smallest and seemingly worthless ones. It’s not the actual physical item that matters; It’s the memories. Small pretty stones are always perfect for this.
I was introduced to possibly the best sandwich ever today. A chip roll. Chips on a roll with brown sauce= French fry sandwich with stuff on it. Holy. Bananas. A++++.
Goodbyes are hard. Some more than others. Hopefully, I sleep on the plane to Dublin that leaves soon. Hopefully, I shake this feeling of wanting to be with someone. Hopefully, Dublin will be so great that I forget how much I’ll miss Edinburgh.